Megan and Henry had an interesting day

We received a text late Thursday night from a parent in Megan's class, inviting her to join three other girls to go see a taping of Norwegian Idol (yes, the Norwegian version of America Idol.) The plans involved her heading to one of the girl's homes directly after school, eating dinner, and then going straight to the show. She wouldn't be home until 10:30 or so.

I'm not sure where everyone else's kids are in their stages of "hanging out", but Megan has rarely done something like this -- she was going to leave for school at 8:00 am (she walks alone), and we wouldn't see her again until 10:30 pm? She would be going to someone's house we don't know? She's going to ride in someone's car to an event we've never attended? The parents of each of the girls speak English, and so does one of the three girls (the other two "speak a little bit," according to Megan), but we are still outsiders enough that it's difficult to feel fully informed about what is going on. Still, we'd like Megan to feel more comfortable with friends here, and we want her to start developing a bit more independence (hence why she walks to school alone), so we decided to send her out into the world, armed only with our phone numbers and address.

Kim was a bit more blase about it than I was -- I thought about her every few minutes throughout the day, wondering what was going on. Did she get an after school snack? Was she getting hangry, alienating her new friends? Were they joking in Norwegian, with Meggie feeling left out?

Well, you more seasoned parents out there can probably guess how things went. Of course, she had a blast. They had tacos for dinner, which Megan loves. It was Beatles night at Norwegian Idol, and she knew all the songs. She got home at 10:48, and was bouncing off the walls with excitement. She felt so bad for the girl that got kicked off the show. She wondered if an American could try out for Norwegian Idol, but then decided that she couldn't do it because she didn't want to cry in front of everyone. She thinks she was on TV at least some point during the taping. In short, everything was awesome.

I don't have any pictures of her night, so here she is with a moose.

Well, I was so busy thinking about Megan all day, that it didn't occur to me what excitement Henry was getting up to. When I got home from work, I asked him how his day was. 

"Fine," he replied. 

I asked him about his new Norwegian tutoring, where they take him out of class.

"It was good," he said. 

"Did you learn any new words?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, "and we got stuck in the elevator for a little bit."

"Interesting," I responded, turning back to my dinner. Kim came and sat down next to us.

"Did Henry tell you what happened to him today?" she asked.

"Yes, he said he had Norwegian class, and he got stuck in the elevator for a little bit."

"Did he tell you the fire department had to come get him out?"

What! As it turns out, Henry and his tutor climbed into the rickety old elevator at his school that never gets used, and got stuck between the first and second floors. He was in there for "around 40 minutes", he says casually. I asked him if he was nervous, and he says no. I asked if his tutor was nervous, and he said, (again, casually), "she was freaking out." I bet she was. Apparently I need to do a bit more delving when I'm asking Henry about his day, since something as momentous as being rescued from a trapped elevator by the fire department doesn't even merit a re-telling for dad.

He doesn't get phased by much. Here he is precariously perched atop his "favorite place" on the playground.

Life Lesson: Introvert vs extrovert

November 4, 2014

Since we have moved to Norway, I have been feeling the need to re-start our family blog, so that we have a place to compile our experiences and document our memories.  As I have given space in my brain to think about "the blog", I have more of a need to write my thoughts, observations,  my perception of how it is to live in a foreign land and culture, and how I fit and how my family fits in this new environment.  I have delayed writing and posting anything because I wasn't sure if I wanted to expose myself or if the blog was a good place to write my personal thoughts, and thought maybe I should just write in a personal journal.  But I have kept coming back to the blog arena, and creating blog posts in my mind, so I guess I want to share my thoughts and feelings with others.  As I assess myself, I am learning that I enjoy having a connection with people and I thrive with that connection.  With that being said I am also very shy to expose myself.  So I am putting my ramblings out there sometimes with pictures of my family and sometimes not.  Read it or not -- here it is.

Mike and I have always said that we wanted to move internationally, and when this Norway experience came up, it seemed like a good opportunity for Mike's career and a good fit for our family. However life was good in Utah: we were close to family, the kids were doing well creating strong relationships with cousins and extended family. They were having a childhood like the ones Mike and I had.  I was able to give my kids grandmas and grandpas that were part of their daily life, something that I always wanted as a child.   Life was good. Megan had the hardest time saying goodbye to Utah because of her age and connections.  As we were making the decision whether to move or not, Mike and I went to the temple to pray for an answer.  The answer we got was that moving to Norway would be "good" for us, but that it would be especially good for Megan.  This answer to our prayers has felt like a vague answer without real direction and it has been hard for me to find my rudder, because with most decisions Mike and I make I can see a clear path.  However my spirit was touched with this answer, and I can still bring that feeling to the surface when things are difficult and I question our decision. So we are in Norway on faith of a good experience for our family, and a life goal we've had for a while.

As we have moved I have had great concern about my kids being happy, and I think they are. However I have this crazy personal internal struggle concerning how Megan is adjusting-- is she happy? Is she having a good childhood (this is my biggest repeat thought)? Is she making connections and friendships with other kids? Is she showing others what a great person she is? Should we have more play dates, and on and on.  And yet she tells my that she is happy, and I can see that she is happy.

I don't have these feelings with Henry and Eli.  I don't have the same concerns.  I have been trying to understand my feelings and separate my internal concerns from Megan.  I have wondered if all mother/daughter relationships are this intertwined, and that is why I don't have the same concerns for my boys. They seem totally fine.

With this move I have been trying to know and understand how much to push and pull back with Megan.  With Megan being my first child and a girl, our relationship has always been a bit more complicated than with my other kids.  When I had Megan I went from being just Kim, to Kim the mother. With that change, Megan and I came as a pair.  I made friends with other moms that had kids Megan enjoyed playing with.  My social outings became outings that Megan would enjoy.  Megan liked the friends I found for us and liked doing things I liked, and I liked her.  Megan is growing up at age 9, and there is a separation happening which is good and developmentally appropriate, but I am trying to navigate this separation and give myself words and understanding for this transition, and I guess there is no better place to do this than Norway.  A place that is just our little family holding tight to each other.

As I have been trying to view and understand Megan, as an independent person, during this move to Norway, I am starting to see that she is more of an introvert than I really knew. (I know family members reading this probably already understood this.) She needs alone time to recharge, she doesn't like a lot of big group activities, she loves one-on-one time, she loves to create her own worlds
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 To try and settle our family I have been trying to create a strong social network for the kids through after school programs and activities. I guess this is how an extrovert settles.  Megan has been resisting this and I was having a hard time understanding why. I wasn't understanding because she likes when I create play dates with our new friends (meaning moms and their children) .  I took this resistance as her not liking Norway, and not fitting in.  With this new understanding of who Megan is hopefully I can relax a little, and be more flexible with her needs.  I do believe that there is a spectrum of introvert to extrovert, and we all flow on the spectrum and are a little of both.  I am still trying to help find a balance for Megan and I. Mike can probably help with that.

 I love my Megan Lily.

Life Lessons: Moving to Norway

September 12, 2014

Well, it has been 5 weeks since we moved from North Ogden, Utah to Oslo, Norway, and I am just starting to stabilize from our whirlwind of a move.  When we moved my Mom said that it would take 6 weeks to stabilize and get into a routine, and now I believe her.  We are all starting to settle, and it feels good.

 How the heck did we end up in Norway?  I don't really know, but we are here on an adventure.  In late May Mike went to a conference in Boston and met someone working at the Norwegian Institute of Public Health.  They hit it off.  Mike told him he had always dreamed of living in Norway (which, by the way, was news to me), and the guy responded saying that he had just received a new grant for a project in Palestine, and had a job opening that Mike would be a good fit for. Mike was able to work it out with JSI, his East-coast company, to continue working 20% for them while we went to Norway, creating a safety net for us. By July Mike had a firm job offer, and by August 9th we had sold our cars, belongings, and put the rest of our material things in storage. We gave our heartfelt goodbyes to our family and friends and boarded a plane to a country we knew little about, on the (widely held) belief that this kind of thing makes for good experiences.

So what is it like living a foreign country? It is new, exciting, different, beautiful and eye-opening.  But it is also like having the rug pulled from under you, everything is new.  I can best relate the experience using Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow's theory is that "people are motivated to achieve certain needs.  When one need is fulfilled a person seeks to fulfill the next one, and so on". To represent his five motivational needs he created a pyramid structure. (At least this is what I remember from my Intro to Psychology course.)

Living in Utah for the last 22 months, I felt that I was able to achieve the top of the pyramid, self actualization. Life was good.  I was feeling good, I was "realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences".   This was one of the reasons I have been nervous about leaving Utah, and one of the reasons we were able to leave Utah.  We landed August 10th in Norway, and my Utah pyramid crumbled and my family and  I are starting over on new pyramids from the base working on biological and physiological needs-"air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep." For me that has been the hardest thing about moving to Norway, is completely starting over from where I was at beautiful "self actualization."  It is hard to remember that it takes time to build a foundation, and that you can not build up until you have that foundation. I am relearning that building a strong foundation, piece by piece creates opportunity and direction for the next level of motivation. And that is when things start to fall into place.  I am working on the fact that things take time, and that is okay.  Things will work, but just give it time.  Life is not a all or nothing situation (my personal life long lesson). I think that is what my Mom was talking about giving yourself at least 6 weeks to work on your foundation.  That being said Norway has been pretty awesome.  It is beautiful, the people are friendly, as a country they live a outdoor lifestyle that I have never seen before.  I am enjoying our adventure.  I don't know why we have this opportunity, but I am working on having gratitude as I am able to rebuild my pyramid.  Hopefully I learned something from my time living in Utah, and am able to obtain self actualization in Norway----with time but faster. Ha ha.

So why are we here in Norway? We are here to grow, rebuild and refine our thought processes.  We are here to learn to live outside with nature, we are here to learn how to eat simply (so many picnics), we are here to learn how to grow outside of our comfort zone through communicating in another language and culture, we are here to rely on and become closer as a family.  We are here to grow. I sometimes feel anxious that we are not creating the traditional family life with a picket fence and lifelong friends.  But I am learning everyone's path is different and this is our path, and this is a good path too.

Life Lessons: Intensity

Intensity of Life and being forced to Let Go

May, 2014

So it has been a little over a year since I have written or posted anything to this blog, and I have really missed it.  I have missed posting pictures of our lives and creating a post and titling that moment in our life.   There is something to be said about writing in a journal, I never thought I would said that.  Instagram and Facebook just haven't been cutting it for me.

So over this year I have learned a lot.  I have learned a lot about myself.  I have been forced to look at things that really weren't working, as I was trying so so hard to make them work.  And this year I am changing and growing, and it feels good.

Last October (2012) Mike and I moved the family to Utah, because there was this underlining intensity that wouldn't go away, we couldn't put our finger on it.  Everything was just Intense.  We looked good from the outside, even to us, but underlining was this intenseness surrounding us.  So we moved, and things felt better.  It is nice being by family, their help and support is fantastic.  It took some of the intensity away, having Mike work from home took some of the intensity away, leaving the most amazing services in Arlington for the boys,  forced me to let go of some of the intensity,  stopping work took some of the intensity away (I still kind of miss it, but I had to let it go).  

I felt like we were living our daily lives in fight or flight mode, and it was so normal that we didn't even see it.  Looking back,I feel like the intensity started when Henry was born, and then increased with Eli's pregnancy, and then increased with a new baby, and then increased with a higher moorage, new van payment, and then increased as we were going through finding a diagnoses for Henry and then realizing Eli probably had the same thing Henry had, and then getting a diagnoses.  Looking back this was the underlying intensity.  But during this time we were so blessed.  We had so many blessings carry us and pathways opened up, and support.  Through all this we were happy, but I think it affected us more than we understood at the time.

Then on June 1, 2013, Henry and I were in a 4 wheeler accident, I got a severe concussion, and  this became the deal breaker.  I could not fully function for months.  I always had a headache, I was in a state of sensory overload all the time, my stomach hurt, I couldn't really eat, I couldn't take care of my family on my own.  I was literally forced to let go of everything.  Everything I was holding on to I had to let go of. Everything I was trying to control; from watching my kids, to letting Mike entertain guest without my input, or having 10 min clean up before guests came, I was forced to let go, I was forced to be patient with myself.  I was forced to slow down.  I was forced out of fight or flight mode.
The reserve tank was empty.  I was then forced to find a new way to function.  I ended up going to some therapy sessions, to look at how I was dealing with life and to create better solutions.  I was started on an antidepressant medication to help reset my brain chemicals (living in flight or flight mode for extended periods of time can really miss things up).  And this was the best thing I could have done for myself and my family.  I let go, and with that my intensity left too.  

Life Lessons: Balance and Harmony

February 2014

Ten months ago I read a post from A Blog About Love entitled, "I don't believe in work/life balance, I believe in managing energy", and it changed the way I looked at the way I was using my time and energy.   I was so worried about trying to find the perfect balance in my daily life that I was using all my thoughts, time, and energy in a negative way, and at the end of the day I wasn't meeting all my expected goals. This led to frustration and feeling drained by my own thought process. 

 So I chose to change the way I think about my time.  I now try to look at how I am using my energy and thoughts in a day, and I find that I am much happier and satisfied. If my thoughts start to spiral, I can stop the thought process and use my time and energy for something worthwhile. The saying is true -- we all have the same amount of time in a day, but it is up to you how to use it. 

June 2014

I have continued to evolve this thought of time and energy.  I joined a gym and have started going to yoga classes, and I love it.  I was able to move and strengthen my body while creating focus through meditation.  This became a fulfilling moment of time in my day that I have been craving as a stay-at-home mom.  Taking this moment of time for myself gave me the energy to be a better mother and wife. The yoga instructor encouraged us to have a mantra during our yoga session, so at first I decided to have a mantra of balance (I thought that was pretty good choice, since I was doing yoga after all).  However as the session continued my mantra evolved from balance to harmony.  With this shift of mantra, the way I look at my world has also shifted.  I wanted to create balance in my life and I was always falling short, things felt like they were always shifting.  I felt like I was on a balance board always moving and never achieving that center, and if I did it was only for a fleeting moment.  But always failure. 

So with my yoga experience I changed my mantra to creating harmony, accepting the ever shifting dynamics occurring in life, realizing that balance is not the ultimate goal.  My ultimate goal is finding my center from within and rolling with all the external dynamics.  My sister-in-law,Aunt Megan, "body calm" mantra, coincides with my idea of harmony.  "Body Calm" has become our family's go-to phrase to remember the importance of creating harmony in all our circumstances. I am much more successful working on daily harmony, and it feels good.

Eli's Two year old Birthady

NOVEMBER 16, 2012

Well a lot has happened since I posted last (deciding to move back to Utah in late August, both sets of grandparents visiting DC one last time, school starting, saying good buy to Arlington, packing everything and actually moving in October, starting school again, getting set up in Utah, Halloween, catching up with family and now Eli turning two).  

So will start with Eli's birthday, because last is best of all the game.

2 YEARS OLD

Eli, has had lots of changes with his move to Utah, and becoming two years old.

Eli, moved into a big boy bed (aka a crib mattress on the floor, Dad couldn't stand the idea of putting the crib together one more time).

Eli, moved into a room with his brother Henry, which has been a big change, because Henry loves to have a bright night light, and Eli is use to sleeping alone in a cave. 

Eli, moved into a rambler style house which gives him more freedom. Due to the above two changes we see him a lot more after his bedtime.  However, it is hard to get too mad, as he walks out of his room quietly in his little footy jammies.

Eli, has moved into the two year old independence phase.  He wants to do things his way all the time.

Eli, has moved into the two year old tantrums.

Eli, has moved into being always on the offence.  He loves to wrestle especially Dad and Henry.  He is always starting something up.

Eli wanted a Pirate Party.
Unfortunately, he got sick on his big day.

We love you Pirate Eli! 
And can't wait to see what fancy tricks you move on to.